the dope report

We at The Dope Report live in close accordance with The Funk. And of course by Funk, we are talking about all of the various meanings and states of being that can be applied to this wondrous word. Come two Sundays ago at Black Rock City, Nevada, we were really feeling The Funk on all levels. We were covered with The Funk and were ready to rock the turntables with all that funkiness drunk with a weeks worth of the high desert sun, covered in sweat and sipping Tanqueray and grapefruit mixed with lots of ice and the ever present dash of playa dust.

Remember when we called it that prescription drugs killed M.J. the way they kill millions in America? Well, the story gets better.

M.J. was on some seriously good shit and the deal behind it is so absurd that you have to laugh. M.J. died from an injection of the anesthetic Propofol – which makes you instantly go to sleep. As long as someone monitors your breathing, you stay asleep until the drug wears off. Bonus!: Propofol users report a hazy, delirious high as they come out of it, but there’s no real side effects or hangover. And drug tests don’t look for it.

This sounds like the best drug of all time!

MJ is up in heaven now. No doubt playing a backgammon tournament with Heath Ledger and Farrah Fawcett, trading pill stories and doubling like mad. I don’t know for sure that pills killed Mike, but I feel like it’s a cultural given. More than 8,000 people will die this year from pills. Pills laid low Elvis, and delayed Eminem’s last album four years. When you’re rich and cut off from all contact with the outside world, the doctor is still allowed by your bed. He’ll give you whatever you want.

The toxicology reports on MJ will take weeks, and it’s not even clear whether it’s moral to dig into them. But it goes without saying that if you are rich and in trouble in America, it’s probably LEGAL pills that you’re chomping.